At SalesRock, we usually focus on B2B lead generation, cold outreach, and closing deals. But sometimes, you have to look at the "whales"—the deals so big, so tremendous, that they redefine the market.

We’re talking about Mergers & Acquisitions on a planetary scale.

If we were hired to run the ad campaign for the United States (Client) to acquire Greenland (Target Account) from Denmark (Current Vendor), we wouldn’t use a boring slide deck. We wouldn’t send a polite email. We would channel the 47th President of the United States. We would go BIG.

Here is the SalesRock strategy for the "Greenland Acquisition," written in the voice of the ultimate closer: Donald Trump.

Phase 1: The Value Proposition (The "Huge" Opportunity)

First, you have to establish the product. Greenland is currently sitting in a bad portfolio. It’s underutilized. It’s sitting there with all that ice, doing nothing. It’s sad, folks.

The Ad Copy:

"Greenland. Look at it on the map. It’s massive. It’s prime real estate. But right now? It’s being run by Denmark. Denmark is a nice place, very small, lots of bicycles. But low energy! Very low energy.

You’re sitting there in the cold, freezing, paying 50% taxes to Copenhagen so they can build windmills. The birds hate the windmills. Everyone knows it.

The Pitch: Join the USA. We have the best economy in the history of the world. We have Florida. You’re cold? Boom. Now you’re American. You can go to Miami. No passport needed. It’s a beautiful thing."

Phase 2: Competitive Analysis (USA vs. Denmark)

In B2B sales, you have to highlight why the competitor (the incumbent) is failing the client. You have to create "Fear, Uncertainty, and Doubt" (FUD), but mostly just focus on how much winning you do.

The Ad Copy:

"Why stick with Denmark? They give you socialism. We give you Capitalism. We give you freedom. You join us, and we turn Nuuk into the Las Vegas of the North. Glaciers? No. We call them 'Ice Casinos.'

The Danish Prime Minister said the deal was absurd. Nasty woman. Very nasty statement. But Greenland knows. Greenland looks at the USA and sees gold."

Phase 3: The Sweetener (ROI)

Every B2B deal needs a kicker. What is the immediate Return on Investment for the stakeholder? You can't just buy them; you have to promise them the moon (or at least a very tall building).

The Offer:

"Here is the deal. I make the best deals.

1. Trump Tower Nuuk: We build it. Tallest building in the Arctic. Gold plating. Heated sidewalks.
2. No More Krone: We give you the Dollar. Strongest currency. Everyone loves the Dollar.
3. Protection: Russia is looking at you. China is looking at you. If you’re with Denmark? Good luck. If you’re with TRUMP? We put a beautiful aircraft carrier right next to the penguins. (I know there are no penguins, but we’ll bring some. We have the best penguins)."

Phase 4: The Call to Action (The Close)

You don’t ask for permission. You assume the sale. In sales psychology, this is the "Assumptive Close."

The Final Email Blast:

Subject: RE: Your future (It’s gonna be huge)

"Greenland, baby. Listen to me. You’re a Ferrari parked in a garage in a village that only rides bicycles.

Come to the winning team. We’ll buy you out. Cash deal. Maybe a trade. We’ll give Denmark... I don’t know... Puerto Rico? We’ll figure it out.

Don’t be a loser. Be a state. The 51st State. The coolest state.

CLICK HERE TO ACCEPT FREEDOM."

Okay, maybe you can’t buy a semi-autonomous territory like you buy a SaaS subscription. But what can B2B sales pros learn from this strategy?

• Audacity Wins: Sometimes you have to make the ask that seems impossible.
• Simple Value Props: "High taxes vs. Low taxes." "Bicycles vs. Aircraft Carriers." Keep it simple.
• Brand Voice matters: Love him or hate him, you know who is talking. Does your company have a voice that distinct?

At SalesRock, we help you find your voice and your leads (even if they aren't continent-sized islands).

Keep closing, The SalesRock Team